She holds certifications in addiction and co-occurring disorder counseling and a bachelor’s degree in addiction studies, having graduated summa cum laude. One very effective way to make amends is to go to Treatment. Through guidance, education and therapy, FHE Health can help a person begin to rebuild their relationships with self and others. Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe Substance abuse how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”). We wrote an article about the difference between guilt and regret. We talked about the complicated processes of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. We’ve filled you in on things that can exacerbate guilt, like hindsight bias and survivors’ guilt. We’ve given you journaling exercises around coping with regret.
- Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends.
- The eighth step then helps the individual prepare to accomplish step nine.
- The four categories determine the manner in which the recovering alcoholic will express their amends.
- Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others.
- If they take my words for granted, sometimes, I take a break from talking.
THE STEPS
Figure out ways to improve upon them, and tell your loved ones what you’re working on to help you improve. Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. I hope these ideas will help you to understand, that most amends can be made in a positive way and the results are so much better than we ever could have expected. We must do these things if we hope to experience the promises listed on pages 83/84 in the Big Book (Into Action).
Step Series
You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them. You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness. We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try). Like the definition says, https://ecosoberhouse.com/ amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for.
- How about all those relatives and friends that we haven’t seen in awhile, but still have an uncomfortable feeling about the way we left that relationship?
- That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here.
- Overall, the step of making amends in AA encompasses the program’s mission to heal the emotional and spiritual aspects of alcoholism while also diminishing the physical and mental side effects of addiction.
- However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step.
I find that by keeping in close touch with these loved ones is a way that I make a kind of quiet amends. It is important to let them know that their prayers were not in vain, & that we are thriving in the place our Higher Power has placed us. Apologizing in this way may open the door to continued healing, growth, and restored relationships in recovery. Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises. Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly.
- Volunteering or making charitable donations are forms of indirect amends that can be particularly effective when direct contact is not possible with someone you harmed in the past.
- Sometimes we cannot or should not contact the individual we have harmed.
- For example, Alcoholic Anonymous (AA)’s ninth step involves making amends to the individuals in your life who were affected by your addiction.
- I hope these ideas will help you to understand, that most amends can be made in a positive way and the results are so much better than we ever could have expected.
Step 9 living amends definition is about restoring peace through self-forgiveness, forgiving others, and making amends, which is essential to recovery. A 12-step program fosters long-term recovery through spirituality, growth, and accountability. Each step presents challenges that encourage change in mindset and behavior.
